I don’t want to take this as a sign. I don’t want to claim it’s fate working its hardest to make sure something more happens between us. I don’t want to act like any of this was meant to be because I am not the kind of person who believes in destiny.
I believe in free will, in making my own decisions, in choosing the direction my life takes. I believe that the future is within my control. I believe I have power over my actions and my results.
More than that, I am cynical. I am a skeptic. I am not a romantic who believes in signs or fortune or fate. I can tell the difference between reality and a rom-com script.
It’s weird that we keep running into each other, that nothing seems to have the ability to separate us, but I’m not stupid. I know ‘signs’ can be interpreted in a million different ways. The reason I keep running into you could be because we haven’t gotten closure and this is our chance to settle what happened in the past. It could be an opportunity for us to form a friendship that deserves another shot. It could be a coincidence that means absolutely nothing at all.
Or yes, it could be a sign that we aren’t finished with each other yet, that we are supposed to get together and try again, that we are supposed to admit our feelings are still existent.
Even though my heart is wondering whether the universe is attempting to tell us something, my head knows that is illogical. I’m thinking too far into things. I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I am overreacting, like always.
In reality, the only reason I’m wondering whether running into you means something is because I want it to mean something. I am blaming destiny because I don’t want to take responsibility myself. I don’t want to admit how seeing you again wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.
Even though I’ve been having trouble forgetting about you and what you once meant to me, I’m trying not to think too far into our collisions. I’m trying not to get my hopes (or my fears or my expectations) up. I’m trying not to take anything too seriously, because that would be a mistake.
I’m sure running into you meant nothing. I’m sure our conversation meant nothing. I’m sure the way you looked at me meant nothing. I’m sure I continue to mean absolutely nothing to you just like (I pretend) you mean nothing to me.
As crazy as it seems that we keep running into each other, as much as my heart is telling me to pay attention because this could be important, there doesn’t have to be some bigger meaning behind why you won’t seem to leave my world. There doesn’t have to be a rational explanation. There doesn’t have to be an end goal we’re being pushed toward.
Maybe the universe is just screwing with us.
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